“Only great minds can afford a simple style.” - Stendhal

This is a photo of normal me, dressed to hang out with the boys, go to the park or coffee shop, go grocery shopping, what have you. Just as a benchmark of sorts. I admit I am frumpy, but I am comfortable and don't think I look too awful. (This is starting to sound an awful lot like the poor souls in the three-way mirror in "What Not to Wear.")(Also, gotta say, taking photos of one's self in the mirror is incredibly difficult, hence the weirdo angle. Sorry. Pretend it's intentional and artistic.)

I need a dress for this wedding in June. I found this:
Cute, yes? I need to do some work on my biceps perhaps, but with my open-toed little black heels and this black/silver wrap I already own, perfect for a Friday evening summer wedding.I think.

Photographing yourself makes you realize what exactly your problem areas are, and other than incredible impatience with my children, I realize that my hips and butt area could use some work. ("I know that now!") They are a leetle lumpy.

Primo did not like this dress. The black was ok, but the yellow-y dots frightened him. Why did I ask him? Read this. Segundo's reaction: "You pitty, Mama." Terzo got no say, he'd have just barfed on it anyway.

Now, the dresses at the horribly named Dress Barn (mooo-oooo-ooo-oooo.....) were Buy-One, Get-$5-Off; Buy-Two, Get-$10-Off-the-2nd. So after I tried on every. single. dress in the store, I settled on this as my second one. Because, you know, they're saving me money. Heck, they're practically giving them away! I think the pattern is pretty if a bit psychedelic, it helps hide my tummy, and it can be dressed up or down. Most of the other dresses were either very dressy - beaded and strapless and things like that - or business-suit-like.


Then...I found this black tulip skirt. I LOVE it. I personally think it makes my legs look fabulous, no mean feat considering I have my grandmother's sturdy peasant legs.


I like the top. I like the fit, I like the style and color, I can wear it with black or tan or possibly even brown, maaaaayyyyybbbbeeee olive.
Primo liked it, too. He dubbed it "cool." Segundo's reaction: "You pitty, Mama."
I liked the top so much that I tried this one on too, against my better fashion judgment. But it's the same cut (hides the stomach bulge). Once it was on, I found I liked it. A bit pattern-y for me, but I think I can pull it off. And I think the detailing is cute.Don't mind me as I give you a very close-up of "the girls" as Stacy calls them, or "the wee ones" as I call them normally.


So, the jury is out. But here's the real trouble. Can I be the lipstick librarian? Is this waaaaayyy too much cleavage to wear to work, or at all? I am sooo self-conscious about my boobs at the moment because they are huge (for me) and I know once I am done nursing Terzo, they will shrink back to their previous AAA minisculity (is that a word? It is now.) So I am not used to dealing with bosoms.


It's so so so much simpler to grab my trusty grey or navy t-shirts and khaki cargo pants and Tevas, and all the baggy things that are comfy and hide my flab, than to try to pull off some sleek and fashionable little ensemble. That might expose some FLESH. Which is a sure way to begin down the road to perdition, as every good Baptist girlie can tell you.

I need Stacy and Clinton, and for the love of God, if you cared about me AT ALL, you all would nominate me for "What Not to Wear."