Is it progress if a cannibal uses a fork? - Stanislaw Lec

My dear college friend Hungry in LA sent me a birthday package. It contained this:

Sharks and Other Sea Monsters




She knows me so well. I love it.
Thank you, Hungry! I love you!
Is the dog still alive?

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I am currently enjoying The Sex Lives of Cannibals, on both Blackbird’s and Badger’s recommendations. It’s by and about a Westerner working in the equatorial Pacific atolls, and is set in the Republic of Kiribati - which is a neighbor to Tuvalu. Not that anyone we know lives in Tuvalu…

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I went to my orthodontist today. He who reminds me of a fatter – um, maybe heavier is a better word - Colin Firth. Impeccably dressed, as always. Adorable. Married with five children. Good friend of the sweetheart drummer from H’s band. It used to be I couldn’t speak in his presence – I mean, aside from the fact that his hands were in my mouth up to his elbows – but he’s known me through two pregnancies – AND, I am sorry, once a man has seen you having molds of your mouth made – you just know there is never ever going to be any potential there, even for a mild flirtation, not even if you were the last woman and he were the last man on earth.

Double that after he’s handled your retainer.

My teeth are perfect. They haven’t moved in two years.
Because I wear my retainer every single night.
It’s dead sexy.

And then he asked if I was pregnant.

So now, even if by some bizarre twist of fate he found the retainer and the blue mold-making stuff wildly, secretly sexy? I wouldn’t have him.

Pregnant.

Humph.

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Then I went to the thrift shop up the street, run by the Junior League (translates to: They always have nice stuff - and strangely cheap!)

One beautiful thing about a blog is that I can tell YOU all about my thrift shop purchases and modestly accept your approval and kudos for bargains found and fabulous stuff ferreted out. Because when I told my husband, not only did he not care, but then it grossed him out that the clothes I was wearing came from a thrift shop and so then I couldn’t wear them. Which is sort of pointless. So I write a blog, everyone wins. Well, except maybe you, gentle readers, but hey, your fate is in your own hands.

I scored:

• A Saks Fifth Avenue blue-striped cotton bathrobe - not that I ever wear a bathrobe. But if I did, this is the kind I would. And it was only three bucks. So maybe I’ll start wearing a bathrobe, swanning around the house in my blue-stripes, trailing the belt behind me, over cute slouchy pjs from LL Bean. See! I can wear it Christmas morning so I’ll look just like one of those thin and blonde models in the Bean catalog, carrying around a cup of cocoa and ruffling the golden retriever’s fur. Well, except for the thin and blonde part. Oh, and the golden retriever. But three dollars! How could I resist? That whole little fantasy right there was worth the three bucks.
  
  
• Brown linen wide-legged capris from Old Navy, that I wore to work tonight with a grey v-neck t-shirt and a slouchy cloud-grey silk v-neck sweater I gave H for Christmas umpteen years ago and that he never wore so I swiped it back. I look quite cute, even if I say so myself. Very NOT LL Bean, however.
  
  
• Jeans – because no matter how bad they look, you must own a pair of jeans that you can wear
  
  
• Navy and white abstract print skirt – my typical skirt these days – A-line, low-waist. Fine for work.
  
  
• Black and white plaid skirt, long, sort of mermaid-y shaped…still not so sure about this one. It fits over my hips just fine but not particularly well over my tummy. Damn kids.

All for eighteen bucks.

Thrift stores rock the casbah.

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List Friday, courtesy of Loretta, of Pomegranates and Paper

This week's theme: Advice for the college graduate, from the keyboard of one older and wiser - or at least older…

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• Do what you love and the money will follow.
  (Or it might not, but at least you will be happy.
  Although mostly, the money does indeed follow. Maybe not wealth untold, but enough to support yourself.)
  
• That said, try really really hard not to default on your student loans. (But if you do, if you can make the payments on time, in full, for twelve months, you'll be back in the good graces of your lenders. And then you can get a mortgage just fine.)
  
  
• Appreciate your freedom. Family life with kids and a home is wonderful, but it's nice to be footloose and fancy-free too.
  Someday you'll want to have ice cream for dinner and spend whole weekends reading big fat novels and will not be able to.
  
  
• Travel whenever possible. Don't dismiss traveling somewhere you don't think you want to go, because sometimes the best adventures are completely serendipitous.
  
  
• Don't be afraid to try new things and make new friends. But stay in touch with your college friends, because they knew you when, and in fifteen years, that'll be a good thing. Because they’ll send you cool birthday gifts!
  
  
• Invest in a good dictionary, if you don't already have one. (Although if you are a college graduate, WHY don't you have one?)
  And get a library card at your local library.

That is all. I hope you profit from my untold wisdom. It would be nice if SOMEBODY’S kids listened to me.