So I joined an on-line “dating” service. Yes, it’s sort of seedy, but it’s a great diversion. All those people, just waiting to be judged! :-) Anyway, I got an e-mail from a guy whose picture looks like a graying, blue-eyed Matthew Perry. Charming! We had some fun chatting about this and that, generally congratulating one another for our good taste, and what-not . . . I dropped what I consider to be my bomb about the gay ex-husband, which he took in stride. And then he dropped his own bomb: He’s married. (Just like every decent straight guy I meet in the non-virtual world, but I digress . . .)
Did I react with an indignant, feminist e-slap in the face? No. With vixen-like disregard? Nope. I ended up spending the evening playing marriage counselor to a lonely guy whose wife has been severely depressed since their daughter was born two years ago. Her meds keep her fairly stable, but tired all the time and not at all interested in sex, and he’s sad and scared and frustrated, and . . . well, I don’t have to tell you.
So, yeah. Did I find a date? No. Did I help a man who seems like he might be a good guy stop from making a mistake? Maybe. Is that good? I guess.
But . . . sigh.
8 comments:
you do know to run far away, yes?
i do not care what his story is, if he's married, he's trouble.
also, having been that woman on meds since birth of child, etc., etc., I am fairly skeptical if the man deserves any sympathy at all.
anyway, more guys will crop up. as long as your intelligence doesn't frighten them off : ) Do you remember that story on salon?
No worries--I'm not messing with a married guy. It just amazes me that I can go to a place to find a "date" and end up playing shrink.
I should join a convent.
no but you probably should be a shrink. you'd be excellent.
I've thought about it more than once, but I don't think I could deal with all the misery, you know? And the responsibility of having a suicidal patient? I'm crazy enough as it is.
good luck! I did e-harmony for a week (7 days allowed me to retain my fee) and found it frustrating as I am looking for particular things and the guys I was "matched" with claimed to have those things (belief systems) but our definitions were verry dif. Good luck and keep posting...I think about doing it again--it is kind of fun. Have you read the Solomon Sisters Wise Up? And then there's You Got Mail (the movie) and the new one (which I want to see!) Must love dogs.
I haven't seen those movies, but I did just read Must Love Dogs--I couldn't pass it up since John Cusack is on the cover--and it was cute.
I'm not too impatient, really. I want to get my feet wet, I guess, but with Teddy, work, school, and all the various things that need to be done around the house, I don't have much time for boys. :-)
My understanding, from when I was meeting women this way is that a surpising number of men you find are in fact married.
Who knew?
I also found out just how shallow the whole thing makes one feel. Filling out the "who would be your match" thing and basically saying "I won't date anyone who didn't get a degree" or "I won't date anyone at least this tall."
It made me feel like a bad person.
Having said that. I liked everyone I met, and met enough people that I could have had a couple of first dates for the whole summer. So that was cool.
Have the big fun.
David, at this point I'd be happy with the little fun. But thanks for the encouragement.
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