Sunday, March 23, 2008

“Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos” *

Now, please, if you are a little old nun, a Transylvanian, an Eskimo, or a vampire, don't take offense. This is one of my favorite jokes of all time, and H told it at dinner tonight, making me nearly choke to death on my Easter ham.

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Two nuns are driving through the mountains of Transylvania.
A vampire leaps from the side of the road and plasters himself to their car’s windshield.

“Oh my!”gasps the first little old nun.
“Swerve left!” directs the second little old nun.
The first little old nun frantically jerks the steering wheel left. The car swerves all over the road but the vampire hangs on, laughing maniacally.

“Swerve right!” directs the second little old nun.
The first little old nun frantically jerks the steering wheel right. The car swerves all over the road but the vampire still hangs on, laughing louder.

“Turn on the windshield wipers!” shouts the second little old nun.
The first little old nun turns on the windshield wipers. The vampire grins his toothy grin at her and hangs on.

The second little old nun, inspired, shouts, “Show him your cross!”
And the first little old nun leans out the window, shakes her fist, and screams at the vampire, “Get the fuck off my windshield, you fucking asshole!”

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*Homer Simpson

10 comments:

paula said...

Hey! I think the cross nun was my homeroom teacher in seventh grade...

Heh-heh.

HEATHER said...

No, I am sure that was Sister John Catherine our principle. She was FIERCE!
Excellent joke!

Lazy cow said...

Heh, heh, I've heard the much milder version (where the nun doesn't swear) and I like this one better!
Here's a little kid humour for Easter: What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.

Velma said...

I can't believe I never heard that one before!

Sarah O. said...

Ha ha ha! I wonder how that joke will go over when I tell it at dinner tonight.

TLB said...

Love it! Thanks for the laugh.

MsCellania said...

I had not heard this one. It's good.
Are your sons on Spring Break? I finally gave in and hired babysitting this week - too much with my husband gone this week.

Sarah Louise said...

love this joke and the hot cross bunnies too.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Well, sorry to say, but you're nuts. And a lousy speller, too.