"The word is out, around the town, to lift a glass. Ah, don't look down." - Paul McCartney, "Wonderful Christmastime" [WTF does this MEAN?]

Random Christmas thoughts:

What is cherry wine, and what does it have to do with Christmas?

Songs I am digging: Michael Buble’s “Let It Snow,” Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas,” and just about any version of “Mary’s Boy Child.”

Songs I hate, or am sick of hearing, or both: anything by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, the stupid cherry wine song, some chickie singer’s Spanish version of “Silent Night” (to paraphrase Dave Barry from one of the funniest books I have ever read, Dave Barry’s Book of Bad Songs, whoever sings this song sounds like she's having her prostate examined by Captain Hook.)
Also, enough with the Band Aid.

My most despised Christmas song of all time: Paul McCartney’s “Wonderful Christmastime.”

It’s fifty degrees and pouring rain; don’t think we’ll be seeing a white Christmas.

Have you ever noticed that no matter how many different kinds of cookies there are on a plate, they all pretty much taste the same after a while?
And what’s with the sudden prejudice against chocolate chip cookies for Christmas?
AND what exactly about fruit breads says Christmas? I want to know.

My particular hobby-horse: Tuna salad does NOT belong on the Christmas Eve table; if you’re one fish short of the seven, go buy some smoked salmon or something. Also, face it, no one eats the baccala and potatoes because it’s TERRIBLE, and it’s always cold. And some veggies wouldn’t hurt anyone.

Why do Seg and Primo insist on perching the shepherds on TOP of the crèche, right next to the angel? “Shepherds on the rooftop, la la la…”

I would like to shoot the little brat who taught my children the alternate "Batman" lyrics to "Jingle Bells."

Must I send a Christmas card to people who have sent me one but were not on my original list? I miscalculated and ordered about ten fewer than I needed, so I could send a generic card but what’s the point of that when there are charming children to be shown off?

I hate receiving cards solely preprinted with signatures, and no hand-scrawled name or message. But even worse, this year I received a card that was totally blank. I identified the sender from the return address; I am hoping this was an oversight and not a new card trend.

I like blue and silver better than red and green.

Ice skates are difficult to wrap neatly.

Does anyone ever eat their gingerbread house?

If Family A goes to Christmas Eve service at 430, and Family B goes to Christmas Eve mass at 5, and Family C attends midnight mass which in some bizarre Catholic twist is actually at 11 pm, what time does Grandma plan dinner?

My kids are all jazzed about leaving carrots for the reindeer. When did food for the reindeer become traditional? I mean, I don’t mind eating a few cookies and some milk, but I refuse to eat a carrot. Do you think they’d notice if I just threw it right back in the veggie crisper? Sigh. You know Primo would. It'd be just like him to count the goddamn carrots.

I don’t know why I keep forgetting to buy lights – is it because subconsciously I don’t want to deal with decorating the tree?

My mother used to make us drive to at least half a dozen places, and stand up and inspect and twirl at least two or three dozen trees for her, before finally, FINALLY, picking The Perfect Tree. And it had to be a Douglas fir, and it had to smell, and God forbid if a single needle dropped off while we were shaking and tweaking and twirling it. Then we took it home and I wielded the chainsaw and jammed it in the base and wrestled it into the house, after which the decorating angst could begin. The whole tree thing at my house growing up was stressful as could be. Now? We go one place to buy a tree. And I don’t care what kind it is, or if it smells a particular way, or if the needles are flinging themselves off the branches like lemmings off a cliff.

This year I told H to just bring a tree home, I really didn’t care what it looked like or how big it was, I didn't want to go get it. He was relieved, he said; he was going to get a small tree. The tree he brought home, however, is easily eight feet tall, possibly more. Thank God he didn’t bring home a BIG tree.

Should I tell the boys Santa comes down the living room chimney or the dining room chimney?

I gave in to the boys' pleading and got the cats a little Christmas treat.
But I drew the line at giving the goldfish a Christmas present.