Thursday, July 20, 2006

"Hell is other people." - Jean-Paul Sartre ******UPDATED (slightly)*********

Oh, come on, you KNEW I was going to use that quote.

Today's meme: What's your Hell like?
[I totally swiped this from Badger, who swiped it from Mags because she “thought it was kewl.” And so do I.]

Drinks in my hell:
Pepsi
Tequila
Warm beer
Lite beer
Tomato juice
Crystal Light
Glasses of that sweet, icky crap champagne that everyone serves for the toast at weddings

Food in my hell:
Cottage cheese
Cool Whip
Miracle Whip
Velveeta
Unripe tomatoes
My mother-in-law's baccala and potatoes

Occupations in my hell:
nanny
babysitter
grade school teacher
gym teacher
pediatrician
proctologist
podiatrist

Music mix in my hell:
James Blunt
Michael Jackson
Britney Spears
Rush
Dave Matthews, ad nauseum

President in my hell:
To quote my mother, I am in hell.

Authors in my hell:
The jackasses who write the Left Behind series
Tom Clancy
Stephen King
Danielle Steele

Husbands in my hell:
At the moment, H.
And Tom Cruise

Only activities allowed in my hell:
Mammograms
Eye exams
Glucose tolerance testing
Vacuuming
Buckling children into carseats
Swimsuit shopping

**********************

I committed The Cardinal Sin this afternoon.

I WOKE MY CHILDREN FROM THEIR NAPS.

Due to poor planning and insane optimism on my part, Primo’s second week of swim lessons (11-11:45am) coincided with his week of art camp (1230-330pm). And instead of doing what H did on the one day this week he was at the domestic helm (the babysitter is on vacation this week), namely, keeping Primo home from everything under the guise of “diarrhea,” I spent the week ferrying the three boys hither and yon, entertaining the two younger boys during the swim lessons since 45 minutes is not even enough time to get them in and out of the car to go somewhere else, packing a lunch for Primo to eat in the car between activities, plying all three with gallons of fluids since it’s in the mid-nineties, and stressing everyday about the 330 pick-up from art camp, which is prime nap time for the other two.

And today it happened.
My next-door neighbor was not home.
My in-laws were awaiting the Triple A guy.
The back-up babysitter was not answering her cell phone.
Sarah Louise was at work.

I had no choice.

Fortunately, I got to leave for work at 530, so I am not paying the price, H is.
And he damn well deserves it, if you ask me.

****************************

AMENDED: he says FORTY pounds.
He says he was being all mathematical and shit, and doing thirds and quarters again of body weight.
Whew.
Well, you know, compared to SIXTY, hell, FORTY should be a fucking breeze, dontcha think?


*****************************

My coffee maker

Thursday Show-and-Tell, courtesy of Blackbird

9 comments:

Carolyn said...

I almost always have to wake my son to pick somebody up from school. It stinks.

Danielle Steele writes the shittiest drivel, doesn't she?

I like your coffee pot.

Lazy cow said...

I agree with all the authors, activites (and include brushing childrens' teeth) and food hell items (though I've not tried Velveeta - I imagine it tastes like soap?) I'd add your peculiar American Jack cheese. How you people can eat cheese that is bright orange is beyond me.
I simply refuse to do any organised holiday activities for the children. You deserve a medal.

yt said...

I find that trying to read a page of Danielle Steele actually causes physical pain, it is so bad.

I like your coffee pot, too. Where did you find it?

Joke said...

Please don't blame Americans for American Cheese.

That is inexpressively vile $#!+ and Velveeta is merely the same thing but processed even further away from the original concept of cheese.

-J.

blackbird said...

I may have to fly in and visit that damn coffee shop...

are you guys talking about cheese?

Sarah Louise said...

See, if I had come here first I would have known what that phone call was...

and I love velveeta...can we still be friends?

and I was going to take a picture of Tazza, but your idea is better.

and it's really true, there is a Blogger's Anonymous.

MsCellania said...

WHO SAID forty not sixty?
And 40 or 60 What?

Your coffee maker is the best one yet.

Suse said...

I didn't follow the link to the coffee pot, but reading all the comments, clearly I MUST.

I have another food for your hell (and this is based solely on its name, as I have never tried it). On the back of the graham crackers box you sent me is a recipe for '"healthy" snacking' which includes a food ingredient called 'Jet Puffed Marshmallow Creme.'

I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW.

PS. I'm with Lazy Cow on the weird orange American cheese.

Miz S said...

Ok, so as I understand it, H said you need to lose SIXTY pounds, then later said, maybe only FORTY pounds. And you reference your weight A LOT and seem unhappy about it. I have never seen you in person, but I have seen a picture of you on your blog and, darlin', you just don't look that huge to me. And even if you WERE that huge, JEEBUS CHRIST, you been having the babies for the last 5 years. And you've been going out running and stuff, so it's not like you're not doing anything.

H better watch out if I come to Pittsburgh to 'splain a couple of things to him. xoxo