This is Going to Be Long--Sorry

I had kind of a rough weekend; I was a bridestroll in the wedding of a very good and very old friend, R.

First of all, no one should have to serve as a bridestroll after the age of thirty. Seriously. I’m too old to wear a stupid dress-—especially strapless—-and be required to wear that much make-up and hairspray. (Please note that I typically wear glasses, Birks, clothes with elastic waists, and no make-up. I dry my hair in the morning, but only because it’s too cold to go outside with a wet head. I am not good with the girly fussing, and I don’t like it at all.)

Okay, but that stuff is really all minor. This wedding was in no way about me. I was there to support R, and look the way she wanted me to look. I didn’t *like* looking like a shiny red apple in a strapless dress, but whatever. It was her day.

Here come the hard things: R has two sisters; one is my age, and one is my sister’s age. (R is three years older than her sister and me.) We all used to be a big happy friendship family filled with sisters. And then R’s two sisters kind of went berserk and turned into horrible, wicked witches. They don’t talk to my sister and me at all anymore, and they don’t talk to R or any of their cousins. They are evil. Did I mention that I’ve never felt more betrayed by people of my own gender than I have by those two? They’re awful.

Anyway, they weren’t at this wedding. Instead, my sister and I (in our fifth wedding together, including our own weddings) filled their places. It’s horrible for me to know that my sister and I had to fill in for her living, breathing sisters, even though they’re hags.

Why so horrible? Because R is dying, and the sisters don’t care. R has something called Scleroderma, which is scheduled to kill her in about five years or so. Imagine hearing the husband vow to love and honor and what-not “until death do us part”, knowing that death really is imminent. AND that R has three kids (two with her ex-husband and one with the guy she just married.)

So that was another hard thing.

Top it off with this: R still loves her ex-husband. They got divorced because he’s an alcoholic, and because he wouldn’t do anything about it. He was irresponsible about it to the point where he was pulled over with the kids in the car.

He’s come a long way since then, and I know they still love one another. He was at the wedding (along with most of his family), and I almost had to run from the room in tears when he and R danced. I don’t know what they were whispering while they held each other, but the whole scene made me even more sad than I already was.

Sigh.

And there you have it. Poor R.

I spent most of yesterday recovering from a sinus headache that I’m sure I brought on to myself by smoking cigarettes at the wedding. But can you blame me?

Sorry to go on and on. This has been bugging me, and I just had to get rid of some of it. You know?