Thursday, August 23, 2007

To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs. - Aldous Huxley

I can’t take it anymore.
The following me around the house; the watching me sleep, waiting for me to wake up to attend to his needs, the whining to wake me up to attend to his needs; the senseless noise; the heavy breathing.

No, not H.
No, not my boys.

It turns out, people, that *I* am NOT a dog person.
Or perhaps I am just not a big-smelly-needy-slavering-annoying-dog person.

Maybe a nice smaller dog, one who actually acted like a dog and not another demanding child who will NEVER grow up. Maybe. Maybe not.

I admit, I am in a bad place right now because the stupid dog pooped – a giant, enormous poop – right in the middle of my living room yesterday morning. He’d been let out at ten pm, it was seven am. H thinks maybe he was a little unwell. I don’t know. I DO know that if he does it again, he’s GONE. He may be gone anyway. I have another baby coming soon, and I can’t handle the level of need from this animal.

Nothing is EVER enough for him. I take him out for a half-hour walk, give him treats, and he wants more – longer walks, more attention, more food. I can’t prepare so much as a glass of iced tea without him trailing me around the kitchen staring at me mournfully, hoping for scraps. (And before you ask, he gets PLENTY to eat, and if his, uh, output is anything to judge from, he poops three to four times a DAY.)

I thought having a dog would be fun for the boys – they could play with him, throw sticks, whatever - but they could not care less, probably because the dog wants ME, and only me. He won’t deign to run around with them, or fetch for them, or do anything with them, so they’ve given up trying.

I am completely torn and feeling guilty as hell. I want to give him away, find him a nice home with people who will love him for who he is. And maybe I should just stick to my cats and my goldfish. Maybe I was never meant to have a dog. Maybe I should stop trying to talk myself into this.

He was at my friend’s house for the day while we were at the amusement park. When we got home and there was no howling, no jumping, no slobbering, no demanding – it was so lovely to just come home and not have him NEED something. It was lovely to just deal with the three boys and not worry about what the hell he wanted.

I KNOW I am a cold, heartless, terrible person. I know this.
I love my kids.
I love my cats.
I do NOT love this dog, much as I wanted to.

And I don't need him to love me, either.


Hungry in LA said...

oh dear, I unfortunately completely understand. As we are now dogless and I am horribly consumed by guilt and sadness and very much grieving the loss of my pet, I am also aware of an even guiltier sense of relief. The husband liked the concept of a dog but not the everyday 3 long walks and constant training that was involved. We too may not be dog people, at least not together as a couple. It took us almost two years to realize this, I say if you are going to make this decision make it soon - it is much easier on everyone, including the dog. And just know when someone suggests getting another dog to be Punto's playmate, they are crazy.

Badger said...

I'm not going to say I told you so, because I can't remember whether I actually did. BUT I WAS THINKING IT.

Joke said...

If I told you what I was thinking -- based on a poor reading of this post -- you'd have me committed.


lazy cow said...

And it only gets worse as they get older. At least we got 4 good/fun/cute puppy years out of our dog before the kids arrived.
I'm pricing dog doors at the moment as I'm SICK of being his door bitch. In/out/in/out all the bloody time.
Get rid of him before you go insane.

Caro said...

You're not a bad person. You're a busy person.

I got dogs for the kids too and Azure would rather feed a freaking virtual pet on the computer than actually interact with the real ones.

I have too many dogs. I don't know what I was thinking.

Maybe I thought sometime in the future I could conjure a few extra hours in the day out of mid-air.

He sounds like a good dog and I bet you could find him a nice home.

Anonymous said...

We have a relatively well-behaved, non-needy dog and I STILL don't really like her. I'm not a dog person either but I let myself get talked into it by TCBIM, who wanted a dog. She was supposed to be his dog, but he does nothing with her. If I didn't feed her, she'd starve to death. He'd forget.

I say find the dog a good home. You have the perfect excuse, if anyone asks - you're having a baby and really won't have time for the dog.

Anonymous said...

Funny, my husband just announced to us that the next person who brought a pet into the house would be hit upside the head with his softball bat.

Might be because the smelly, drooly, poops and pees everywhere, elderly, rescued from the pound aren't we virtuous dog gotten for the teen is now his job to walk and feed.

Yet, I still want a lab. In my mind.

TLB said...

You are not a bad person. Dogs are a ton of work. My mom always says that having a dog was like having a two-year-old who never learned to talk and who never grew up.

I love dogs. Really. I love watching them walk by my house at 5 a.m. while I'm warm inside.

Suse said...

I bet Alex would love a brother.

Ask Liz.

KPB said...

Hah. We got two dogs - TWO FUCKING DOGS - as PUPPIES when Jasper was 6months old. By the time Jasper was 7 months I was on 300mg of anti-depressants.

Here, come sit by me, a fellow dog hater. Forget the not being a dog person, just call it what it is.

I too thought it'd be great for the boys. They really don't care either way.

Our backyard is trashed.
There is dogshit everywhere.

They are the most needy, stupid animals. Seriously. Get rid of it.

How I survived. Put the dog outside. It's an ANIMAL for God's sake. Look I'm swearing and taking the Lord's name in vain. Such is my emotion toward the addition of a household dog.

Now, with four children, I have accepted I have no more love to give. Then end.

The thoughts that fill my mind about what I would like to do to our (MY) cat (after she crapped and pissed in my wardrobe AGAIN) and the feeling I get when I imagine life without the dogs? Are both shameful and absolute heaven.

Start thinking poorly of me... NOW.

BabelBabe said...

i love you all.

added to this post: the dog crapped in the middle of the living room AGAIN. no obvious ill health, dinner and normal treats, walked at ten pm, let out again at 2am because he was barking at the cats and woke me up, so I figured, let him out. and H came down at 630 to a giant steaming pile of poo in the lving room. he's busy psychoanalyzing the dog; i'm busy thinking who i can talk to to take the dog.

do you think he's doing this because he knows I can't stand him?
do i really care?

No. No I do not. I worry about psychically damaging my children - no time to worry about the psychically damaged pets, for god's sake.

Poppy Buxom said...

I am totally with you. I never was a dog person--have never owned one--always had cats. Well, I married a man who is deeply allergic to everything furry except me when my legs need shaving. I had to give my cats to my mother. I thought I would feel bad.


Look, you have a squillion children--pets are for people who don't. The dog-crazed people I know are either childless couples or empty-nesters. I don't know about anyone else out there, but as soon as I had children, I lost the desire to take care of houseplants, let alone pets.

My son has a turtle, which is exactly as much pet as I want to have to deal with.

Can you CraisList him? "Free to a Good Home--Barking Manure Machine."

Joke said...

I am not, nor have I ever been, a "pet person." Not dogs, not cats, not nothin'. My wife insisted that the boys needed a pet and it was one of the Top Three Fights of My Married Life...which ended up in "the boys" getting a fish tank they ignore.

(Granted, the advantage of fish is that they, should you forget to feed them, will simply eat each other.)

You're not a bad person for wanting to evict the dog. You're a good person for not sending him to Michael Vick's house which is what most would have done upon discovering the first pile.


Anonymous said...

Suse- you rascal! Would you care to volunteer me for anything else? :D

I agree with the others... you're not a bad person. Sounds like it won't be traumatic for you or your sons if Punto finds a new home, so go for it.

Anonymous said...

I came upon this blog by accident and am horrified. I do not know you and therefore do not know your circumstances (other than today's blog) but you sound totally selfish and self consumed. What kind of cold hearted person is disgusted by the unconditional love and affection of a dog? (Apparently you and your blog-friends) Get off of your high horse and become human.

BabelBabe said...

not brave enough or convinced enough to identify yourself??

Guys, I am turning off anonymous comments. I never EVER mind anyone saying what they think, agree or not with me, because why else do I put myself out there for everyone, but I do mind them hiding behind anonymity, when I have no way to carry on discourse or try to explain myself or my thought processes.

Joke said...

In that case, I hereby demand an immediate repeal of the Income Tax and mandatory firearms for everyone!

And that Anonymous (if that's her real name...) be sent to Michael Vick's house.


blackbird said...

It's so easy to be anonymous, isn't it?
No one can hold you to your words.

I think you are brave for facing up to the fact that the dog may have (was probably) a mistake. Who ever admits they've made that kind of mistake.

I know you will find a home for him where he can have the attention he needs -
and I don't think you are selfish or a bad person for doing so.

Miz S said...

I just want to make sure that you don't think that anonymous comment was me. I was going to leave a comment this morning, something along the lines of "This post, and some of the follow-up comments, made me sad for all the dogs that live with people that don't like them." But then I decided, meh, why bother. I'll just stick to my own blog and state my opinion. And I stand by every word that I wrote. But I would not want you to think that I left an anonymous comment. I'm perfectly happy to let you know how I feel.

Poppy Buxom said...

This post makes me feel sad for the women I know who get stuck being the major caregiver for dogs they don't like and only allowed into the house for someone else's benefit.

BB, I think you should join a 3-martini playdate doggie park group. Start brinking Bunco (or whatever his name is) to a doggie park on Friday afternoons after work ... maybe he'll make a friend and the friend's owner will want to adopt him.

At the very least, we'll all be treated to horrified comments from people who think it's irresponsible to drink and take care of a dog. ;)

Sarah Louise said...

Sending you hugs because I am not good at the whole argumentative thing (I wish I could poof! and make all those mean commenters go away.)