Let’s do some math, shall we? (Because I was first a drama major, and then a post-bacc studying English lit, and then a librarian, so I am not very good at this and could use some input.)
Counting backwards:
February 8, 2008 – My due date (more or less, based upon my best guess, and lazy record-keeping from date of last period (sorry, Joke))
January 21-25, 2008: H’s Very Important Conference in sunny California (at least a six-hour flight, not counting security, check-in, etc., or possible weather delays on this end)
October 10, 2005: Terzo’s due date, for comparison’s sake
September 27, 2005: Terzo’s actual arrival date (almost 2 full weeks early, and after a scant five hours of labor, and thirty minutes pushing, so as you can see H has not a snowball's chance in hell of getting back in time for the actual birth even if I call him the second my water breaks (sorry, Joke).)
2: Number of friends who have graciously and sincerely volunteered to come to the delivery room with me should I go into labor while H is gone (and we all know that’s EXACTLY what will happen, yes?)
1: Number of husbands who may very well be told to just remain in CA for the rest of the conference as I will be in the hospital for a few days anyway (although I suppose someone has to watch the other three...)
To be completely fair and upfront:
Dec 6 or 7, 2000: Primo’s due date (again, more or less, due to faulty recordkeeping and general slackness on my part regarding recording either/both my menstrual cycles and my sex life)
December 11: Actual arrival, after twelve hours of labor and forty minutes pushing
March 23rdish, 2003: Segundo’s due date
April 1, 2003: Arrival date, after about ten hours of labor and fifteen minutes pushing
1: Number of mother-in-laws who will NOT be called until AFTER I have given birth
1: (Realized with great relief) Number of mother-in-laws who will be in Florida from January till March
Whew!
As I read these stats:
1: Number of BabelBabes totally built for childbearing (good Eastern European peasant stock and all...)
Shame I am not as good at the actual mothering part. Oh well. That’s what therapists are for, right?
For those of you bored with me wittering away about my children (God knows *I* am...), a book post is forthcoming.
But first I get to go away from my children for something like 18 hours, as H has a gig tonight and we have a babysitter overnight. Yay, me! Would it be totally terrible to skip the gig altogether, call room service, and curl up in bed with one of the very good books I am currently reading?
****************
* Prissy, in "Gone with the Wind"
Showing posts with label Mr Golightley's Holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mr Golightley's Holiday. Show all posts
Friday, December 07, 2007
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
"So somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something BAD." *
I have no idea why there was not a school delay this morning. Or, you know, barring that, how about sending out the random salt truck or snow plow? Nice to see my tax dollars being used for…wait? What ARE they being used for, then? I ask, as I slide through an intersection…
Why are all three of my children obsessed with putting their feet on me? I am NOT an ottoman or a footstool. It makes me INSANE. Not to mention I have cute little toe-shaped bruises all over my rib cage.
I am watching my friend’s dog for her today and both dogs are conveniently lying in front of my entryway door, effectively blocking any drafts. I wonder if I could market this idea, somehow...the dogs are much more attractive, if slightly more work, than one of those bean-filled fabric tubes...
I am currently addicted to Trader Joe’s potato latkes – they come frozen, in a pack of eight, for 2 dollars. You heat them up in the oven, and they are downright yummy. I am having some (um, make that all as I just ate the last one) for lunch, with sour cream. It didn’t occur to me until later last night (duh!) that perhaps they are seasonal...must go stock up, I suppose. Just like their Candy Cane Jo-Jos, which are like peppermint Oreos but better.
Why must I tell my children Every. Single. Morning. what they must do to get out the door? We do the same EXACT thing every morning – dress, eat breakfast, brush teeth, put lunches in backpacks, put on jackets. Do they really need me to run through this litany every single goddamn morning? Must they really be reminded to put on their shoes? Do they really need me to tell them to put on their coats, hats, and gloves, as it is currently snowing and 25 degrees outside, a fact readily observable by looking out the window? (I am talking mostly about my almost-seven and almost-five-year-olds here, not Terzo.) And this morning I reached the point where I thought, if your hands were that cold, you would remember where the hell you left your third pair of mittens THIS week, and I sent them to school with no mittens. And some minor shrieking about how I don’t want to live my life like this either, so why are they making it so difficult, and what did I do to deserve children who never listen to a (horrible, shrieking, shrewish) word I say? (Hmmm, I wonder...also, one of those must be CYS-call-worthy.)
***************
* paraphrased from "Something Good," from The Sound of Music
Why are all three of my children obsessed with putting their feet on me? I am NOT an ottoman or a footstool. It makes me INSANE. Not to mention I have cute little toe-shaped bruises all over my rib cage.
I am watching my friend’s dog for her today and both dogs are conveniently lying in front of my entryway door, effectively blocking any drafts. I wonder if I could market this idea, somehow...the dogs are much more attractive, if slightly more work, than one of those bean-filled fabric tubes...
I am currently addicted to Trader Joe’s potato latkes – they come frozen, in a pack of eight, for 2 dollars. You heat them up in the oven, and they are downright yummy. I am having some (um, make that all as I just ate the last one) for lunch, with sour cream. It didn’t occur to me until later last night (duh!) that perhaps they are seasonal...must go stock up, I suppose. Just like their Candy Cane Jo-Jos, which are like peppermint Oreos but better.
Why must I tell my children Every. Single. Morning. what they must do to get out the door? We do the same EXACT thing every morning – dress, eat breakfast, brush teeth, put lunches in backpacks, put on jackets. Do they really need me to run through this litany every single goddamn morning? Must they really be reminded to put on their shoes? Do they really need me to tell them to put on their coats, hats, and gloves, as it is currently snowing and 25 degrees outside, a fact readily observable by looking out the window? (I am talking mostly about my almost-seven and almost-five-year-olds here, not Terzo.) And this morning I reached the point where I thought, if your hands were that cold, you would remember where the hell you left your third pair of mittens THIS week, and I sent them to school with no mittens. And some minor shrieking about how I don’t want to live my life like this either, so why are they making it so difficult, and what did I do to deserve children who never listen to a (horrible, shrieking, shrewish) word I say? (Hmmm, I wonder...also, one of those must be CYS-call-worthy.)
***************
* paraphrased from "Something Good," from The Sound of Music
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
" I don't want a pickle, just want to ride on my motorsickle." *
This meme is sweeping the blogosphere. Ok, not really, but it provides content when I am feeling too lazy to think of actual things I want to say. Cut me a break. I'm PREGNANT. (Although I am ALWAYS lazy...)
What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
Soft Soap milk-and-honey. Thank you, Badger. I have never looked back.
Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
No. It’s December.
What would you change about your living room?
I would like to finish and hang the curtains, and get the gas fireplace functional.
Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Dirty. I just unloaded last night’s clean ones and started loading today’s dirty ones…
What is in your fridge?
Milk, eggs, breads, cold cuts (salami, provolone, American cheese, and cracked pepper turkey breast.) Beer (Guinness and Yuengling). Celery, carrots, apples, leftover Middle Eastern food (mostly baba ghanoush), yogurt, cider, apple juice, and OJ. A doorful of condiments, sesame seeds, salsa, pickles, etc. A thawing hunk o’ beef for stew.
White or wheat bread?
Wholegrain white for the boys, oatnut for me and H, English muffins and bagels for all of us.
What is on top of your refrigerator?
A basket of cereal boxes (you know, full of their cereal).
What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Clear but with prism-y designs on it.
How many plants are in your home?
I have a vase of dried hydrangea on the mantel. That’s it. I have a black thumb when it comes to houseplants.
Is your bed made right now?
Not yet. I am changing sheets, and so am waiting for my favorites to finish drying.
Comet or Soft Scrub?
Soft Scrub, orange scent only.
Is your closet organized?
As organized as I get.
Can you describe your flashlight?
I know we have a real one but I can only ever seem to find the boys’ flashlights, which are shaped like tigers and growl when you click them on.
Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Depends on what I am drinking.
Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
No. It’s DECEMBER.
If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
No garage. No shed. My basement is a wreck.
Curtains or blinds?
Both, or none, depending.
How many pillows do you sleep with?
Three. I want another, but four for one person seems….unnecessarily decadent.
Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
A nightlight in the bathroom. Not that this stops the boys from peeing all over the seat anyway.
How often do you vacuum?
A few times a week.
Standard toothbrush or electric?
Standard upstairs, an old electric in powder room downstairs. I love my electric toothbrush but I was burning through thru batteries too fast.
What color is your toothbrush?
Standard is pink; electric is turquoise and white.
Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
Just some black runners so you don’t slip and kill yourself on the wet wood, and a matching mat in front of the door for same purpose.
What is in your oven right now?
Nothing. But lasagna for dinner soon.
And maybe a cake since the Madeira cake I baked Friday is almost all gone already.
Is there anything under your bed?
Some boxes of stuff from the office, since we are shifting the bedrooms. Normally, nothing other than dust bunnies and the cat. Have I mentioned my OCD?
Chore you hate doing the most?
Vacuuming. And carrying the laundry up from the basement.
What retro items are in your home?
Half my furniture is flea market stuff. Plus all my grandmother’s Depression glass.
I like old stuff, and shop at thrift stores and flea markets by choice.
Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
Yes, although as mentioned previously, we are in the process of shifting rooms so thank god for the laptop…
How many mirrors are in your home?
Um. Hmmm. Eight. But not because I am vain. I just like the pretty, old fashioned frames.
What color are your walls?
Different color every room pretty much.
Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
Does a baseball bat count? Or the dog?
What does your home smell like right now?
Hot cocoa.
Favorite candle scent?
I don’t really care for scented candles.
I normally buy unscented ones.
What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
Gherkins and dill hamburger slices.
What color is your favorite Bible?
Um, this is such a weird question that I am skipping it. Although I do own about half a dozen different Bibles, various translations.
Ever been on your roof?
Yes. Who else do you think scraped, recaulked, and painted all the second floor windows?
Do you own a stereo?
Yes. Several, in varying degrees of functionality, including one turntable the boys use to play H’s old albums.
How many TVs do you have?
One.
How many house phones?
Three.
Do you have a housekeeper?
Yes. Me.
What style do you decorate in?
Wahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um, seriously? Anything that will withstand three boys. My house is very…eclectic.
Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
Solid. Although the editor in me is dying to pick apart the grammatical incorrectness of this question…
Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Yes, a couple. And they routinely go off when I am baking.
In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?
My children, the cats, and yes, even the dog. The folder of important docs like passports, etc. The photo albums from before I got my digital camera (three or four). My laptop. But then my boys would probably make me put everything down to carry their Pokemon cards and stuffed animals.
*******************
* Arlo Guthrie
What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now?
Soft Soap milk-and-honey. Thank you, Badger. I have never looked back.
Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator?
No. It’s December.
What would you change about your living room?
I would like to finish and hang the curtains, and get the gas fireplace functional.
Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty?
Dirty. I just unloaded last night’s clean ones and started loading today’s dirty ones…
What is in your fridge?
Milk, eggs, breads, cold cuts (salami, provolone, American cheese, and cracked pepper turkey breast.) Beer (Guinness and Yuengling). Celery, carrots, apples, leftover Middle Eastern food (mostly baba ghanoush), yogurt, cider, apple juice, and OJ. A doorful of condiments, sesame seeds, salsa, pickles, etc. A thawing hunk o’ beef for stew.
White or wheat bread?
Wholegrain white for the boys, oatnut for me and H, English muffins and bagels for all of us.
What is on top of your refrigerator?
A basket of cereal boxes (you know, full of their cereal).
What color or design is on your shower curtain?
Clear but with prism-y designs on it.
How many plants are in your home?
I have a vase of dried hydrangea on the mantel. That’s it. I have a black thumb when it comes to houseplants.
Is your bed made right now?
Not yet. I am changing sheets, and so am waiting for my favorites to finish drying.
Comet or Soft Scrub?
Soft Scrub, orange scent only.
Is your closet organized?
As organized as I get.
Can you describe your flashlight?
I know we have a real one but I can only ever seem to find the boys’ flashlights, which are shaped like tigers and growl when you click them on.
Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home?
Depends on what I am drinking.
Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now?
No. It’s DECEMBER.
If you have a garage, is it cluttered?
No garage. No shed. My basement is a wreck.
Curtains or blinds?
Both, or none, depending.
How many pillows do you sleep with?
Three. I want another, but four for one person seems….unnecessarily decadent.
Do you sleep with any lights on at night?
A nightlight in the bathroom. Not that this stops the boys from peeing all over the seat anyway.
How often do you vacuum?
A few times a week.
Standard toothbrush or electric?
Standard upstairs, an old electric in powder room downstairs. I love my electric toothbrush but I was burning through thru batteries too fast.
What color is your toothbrush?
Standard is pink; electric is turquoise and white.
Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch?
Just some black runners so you don’t slip and kill yourself on the wet wood, and a matching mat in front of the door for same purpose.
What is in your oven right now?
Nothing. But lasagna for dinner soon.
And maybe a cake since the Madeira cake I baked Friday is almost all gone already.
Is there anything under your bed?
Some boxes of stuff from the office, since we are shifting the bedrooms. Normally, nothing other than dust bunnies and the cat. Have I mentioned my OCD?
Chore you hate doing the most?
Vacuuming. And carrying the laundry up from the basement.
What retro items are in your home?
Half my furniture is flea market stuff. Plus all my grandmother’s Depression glass.
I like old stuff, and shop at thrift stores and flea markets by choice.
Do you have a separate room that you use as an office?
Yes, although as mentioned previously, we are in the process of shifting rooms so thank god for the laptop…
How many mirrors are in your home?
Um. Hmmm. Eight. But not because I am vain. I just like the pretty, old fashioned frames.
What color are your walls?
Different color every room pretty much.
Do you keep any kind of protection weapons in your home?
Does a baseball bat count? Or the dog?
What does your home smell like right now?
Hot cocoa.
Favorite candle scent?
I don’t really care for scented candles.
I normally buy unscented ones.
What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now?
Gherkins and dill hamburger slices.
What color is your favorite Bible?
Um, this is such a weird question that I am skipping it. Although I do own about half a dozen different Bibles, various translations.
Ever been on your roof?
Yes. Who else do you think scraped, recaulked, and painted all the second floor windows?
Do you own a stereo?
Yes. Several, in varying degrees of functionality, including one turntable the boys use to play H’s old albums.
How many TVs do you have?
One.
How many house phones?
Three.
Do you have a housekeeper?
Yes. Me.
What style do you decorate in?
Wahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um, seriously? Anything that will withstand three boys. My house is very…eclectic.
Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints?
Solid. Although the editor in me is dying to pick apart the grammatical incorrectness of this question…
Is there a smoke detector in your home?
Yes, a couple. And they routinely go off when I am baking.
In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip?
My children, the cats, and yes, even the dog. The folder of important docs like passports, etc. The photo albums from before I got my digital camera (three or four). My laptop. But then my boys would probably make me put everything down to carry their Pokemon cards and stuffed animals.
*******************
* Arlo Guthrie
Monday, December 03, 2007
"I used to do my homework at one end of the kitchen table while [my grandfather] cooked at the other end." *
I just was compelled to clean the accumulated goop of a year out of the grout of my tiled kitchen table with a butter knife.
Either I need to up my Zoloft dose, or I am nesting.
******************
* Vincent Schiavelli
Either I need to up my Zoloft dose, or I am nesting.
******************
* Vincent Schiavelli
Saturday, December 01, 2007
"Proper names are poetry in the raw. Like all poetry they are untranslatable." *
In case the fourth is a girl, by some odd twist of fate:
Abigail? I know an Abby I dislike, and several I like. Anne. I like Agnes, but only pronounced the French way, which isn’t going to happen here. Antonia (in homage to AS Byatt)? Amy? (I cannot see myself as the mother of an Amy.) Amanda. Wow, I sorta like Amanda.
Bertha? Beth? Britney! Blech.
Clare. “Clare – it’s a fat girl’s name” (I LOVE that movie.) I like Catherine, too, and it has the added appeal of being my grandmother’s name.
Diana? THE girl name in H’s family, for girls of his generation. I think there are six of them.
Eleanor. Ellen (No. Does anyone else remember Ellen Tebbits?) Elizabeth (one of our top choices for a while there.) Elise?
Frances. No. H’s first girlfriend was a Frances. Of course, my first boyfriend was a Francis. And that’s our boy middle name. Shhh, don’t tell.
G. Gloria. Pretty in theory. I used to adore Geraldine, can anyone tell me WHY?
Helen? No, H’s college girlfriend was a Helen. Crazy, neurotic, psychotic wench.
Igraine. Whoo hoo. Isabella? VERY popular these days. Most of the I names seem to be variations on Isabella. Except for Inez.
Jane. Like the name, but H does not. I think he’s right. Jessica is pretty. But I also cannot see myself as the mother of a Jessica. Jennifer? Does anyone name girl babies Jennifer anymore?
Kara. For Rogue Librarian’s sake, absolutely not.
Loretta. Look out, Loretta! Laura/el/en. Letitia. Lucinda (I LOVE, H hates.)
Merle. Mairead. The poor girl would never make it out of kindergarten. Madison, like the rest of the planet (I actually despise this name - forgive me if you named your daughter that, but I think it’s hideous. It’s like naming your kid Detroit. Or Pittsburgh.)
N. There are no decent N names. Think about it. Nancy. Nan. Nellie. Nettie. Nicole. Nothing. I got nothing. My next-door neighbor says Neveah is very popular right now. Yeah, well, so is Taylor and I am not going there either. But since we’re on that train of thought, why not Nivea? Neutragena? Noxzema? I mean, really, why the hell not?
Octavia. I really dig this name, but no, can't use it. For the same reason the CAT, and not one of my boys, is named Septimus.
Petrova, after my favorite character in Noel Streatfield’s Ballet Shoes.
Q. Are there any good Q girl names? The website lists Queen, Quiana, and Quinn. The answer would be NO.
Riley. Reid. They sound like boy names. And Rachel and Rebecca don’t do a whole bunch for me. Too…Biblical. Or something. Which is downright laughable if you know my boys’ real names.
Susan? While I know and love several people named Susan, I don’t actually care for the name. And Sophia got knocked out of the running when it skyrocketed in popularity these past few years (Primo was Sophia, had he been a girl.)
Theodora. Teresa (too religious, although Tess is nice. However, we know a Tess whom I like very much, but too close.)
U. Una? Isn’t there an Una somewhere in children’s lit that I like? Sounds familiar. Maybe in the Anne books?
Valerie. Not.
W. Winnie. Wilhelmina. Wacky.
Xenia. I used to go to church with an old lady named Xenia.
Yvette. Yvonne. Y not?
Z…..Zoe…zzzzzzzzzzzzz…………..
Girl names are MUCH harder than boy names, there are many many fewer ones that I like.
*******************
*WH Auden
Abigail? I know an Abby I dislike, and several I like. Anne. I like Agnes, but only pronounced the French way, which isn’t going to happen here. Antonia (in homage to AS Byatt)? Amy? (I cannot see myself as the mother of an Amy.) Amanda. Wow, I sorta like Amanda.
Bertha? Beth? Britney! Blech.
Clare. “Clare – it’s a fat girl’s name” (I LOVE that movie.) I like Catherine, too, and it has the added appeal of being my grandmother’s name.
Diana? THE girl name in H’s family, for girls of his generation. I think there are six of them.
Eleanor. Ellen (No. Does anyone else remember Ellen Tebbits?) Elizabeth (one of our top choices for a while there.) Elise?
Frances. No. H’s first girlfriend was a Frances. Of course, my first boyfriend was a Francis. And that’s our boy middle name. Shhh, don’t tell.
G. Gloria. Pretty in theory. I used to adore Geraldine, can anyone tell me WHY?
Helen? No, H’s college girlfriend was a Helen. Crazy, neurotic, psychotic wench.
Igraine. Whoo hoo. Isabella? VERY popular these days. Most of the I names seem to be variations on Isabella. Except for Inez.
Jane. Like the name, but H does not. I think he’s right. Jessica is pretty. But I also cannot see myself as the mother of a Jessica. Jennifer? Does anyone name girl babies Jennifer anymore?
Kara. For Rogue Librarian’s sake, absolutely not.
Loretta. Look out, Loretta! Laura/el/en. Letitia. Lucinda (I LOVE, H hates.)
Merle. Mairead. The poor girl would never make it out of kindergarten. Madison, like the rest of the planet (I actually despise this name - forgive me if you named your daughter that, but I think it’s hideous. It’s like naming your kid Detroit. Or Pittsburgh.)
N. There are no decent N names. Think about it. Nancy. Nan. Nellie. Nettie. Nicole. Nothing. I got nothing. My next-door neighbor says Neveah is very popular right now. Yeah, well, so is Taylor and I am not going there either. But since we’re on that train of thought, why not Nivea? Neutragena? Noxzema? I mean, really, why the hell not?
Octavia. I really dig this name, but no, can't use it. For the same reason the CAT, and not one of my boys, is named Septimus.
Petrova, after my favorite character in Noel Streatfield’s Ballet Shoes.
Q. Are there any good Q girl names? The website lists Queen, Quiana, and Quinn. The answer would be NO.
Riley. Reid. They sound like boy names. And Rachel and Rebecca don’t do a whole bunch for me. Too…Biblical. Or something. Which is downright laughable if you know my boys’ real names.
Susan? While I know and love several people named Susan, I don’t actually care for the name. And Sophia got knocked out of the running when it skyrocketed in popularity these past few years (Primo was Sophia, had he been a girl.)
Theodora. Teresa (too religious, although Tess is nice. However, we know a Tess whom I like very much, but too close.)
U. Una? Isn’t there an Una somewhere in children’s lit that I like? Sounds familiar. Maybe in the Anne books?
Valerie. Not.
W. Winnie. Wilhelmina. Wacky.
Xenia. I used to go to church with an old lady named Xenia.
Yvette. Yvonne. Y not?
Z…..Zoe…zzzzzzzzzzzzz…………..
Girl names are MUCH harder than boy names, there are many many fewer ones that I like.
*******************
*WH Auden
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)