Thursday, January 24, 2008

"One of the disadvantages of being a patrician is that occasionally you are obliged to act like one." *

Daddy goes away and the mice will play, 'cause Mama is a CUPCAKE.
We ordered pizza for dinner tonight, which we ate in front of the Pens-Flyers game, topped off with chocolate pie for dessert and a late bedtime. I now understand why some people parent like this all the time - it's just so much easier. Never mind that my kids will be tired tomorrow, and if we ate chocolate pie every night we'd all weigh a ton. Oh well, it's nice once in a while to be the nice guy...

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Important questions:

When did LL Bean stop making River Driver’s shirts for adults? I own one; I need a few more. They seem to only make them for children now. Dumb. Of course, LL Bean is also the company that made my favorite bathing suit of all time – for ONE YEAR. Leaving me to swim for the rest of my natural life in board shorts and a tankini top.

Are you actually supposed to eat gingerbread houses? And if so, how? Do you just pick it apart, leaving the wreck of a house sitting out like the detritus of a real-live Hansel and Gretel attack?

How many times a day does a normal dog poop?

Why do I gag at the sight and smell of any sort of meat for most of my pregnancy only to gorge on flesh in the last two weeks? With Primo, it was Reubens; with this one, it’s cheese steaks with mushrooms and onions. I am actually physically nauseated even as I consume giant-pile-o’-meat, and yet I keep chewing.

Is it wrong that I bribe my seven-year-old to do his homework by promising to request books he wants to read from the library once he's finished?

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For those of you following along at home:
1 cm and 50%.
If you have to ask, you really don't want to know (Joke, I am pretty much being discreet for you. You're welcome).

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Finished the second Sally Lockhart book, on to the third. An am halfway through Loving Frank which is pretty good. I have Gina's strong recommendation of I Love You, Beth Cooper to read next, and The Top Ten: Writers Pick Their Favorite Books to sit by my bed for my leisurely perusal (and probably making of umpteen lists). Picked up used copies at the library book sale shelf of Jamaica Kincaid's Lucy and Gail Tsukiyama's Dreaming Water.

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Everyone is purging, it seems. Badger. Poppy. Me. Tonight I sorted and finally discarded about 95% of my mother's tax returns, estate papers, and other flotsam and jetsam. As the executrix, I had held onto everything JUST IN CASE. (Just in case WHAT? The federal government needed proof that my mother paid for all of her prescriptions from the years 1995 through 1998? that the house that's been under new ownership for eight years now once had perfectly reliable, promptly-paid phone service? that my mother's nursing license was up-to-date till the day she died? I clearly needed to get a good, firm grip.)

My mother's life now apparently has been reduced to two brown paper bags for the recycling dumpster. Sob. But honestly, how long am I mean to hang onto ten-year-old phone bills and fifteen-year-old tax returns? It was time. And ultimately it felt good.

But this baby had better come soon, because otherwise my house will be Spartan.

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*Marcus Licinius Crassus, in "Spartacus"

11 comments:

Badger said...

Dude. I only cleaned three pantry shelves. We're not talking about the REST of the house.

Just started the second Sally Lockhart book today, after finishing My Year of Meats, about which I must write a post soon.

Is it time to start a birth poll yet? When is your actual due date, anyhow?

Hungry in LA said...

Answers:

don't know, I got a C in marketing.

yes, as long as it's not dusty.

3, sometimes even 4 times.

cheeseteaks are irresistible, silly.

no, bribes with candy are bad, bribes with books are good.

Katya said...

Bribing with books can never be wrong.

jessmonster said...

Bribing with books - especially library books - is all kinds of RIGHT. It's often how I bribe myself.

In my opinion, gingerbread houses should be meant to be eaten, but the only ones I've actually eaten were the homemade ones, and usually the staleness put us off from doing more than picking the candy off the roof.

I don't know about normal dogs, but my old roommate's dog would poop at least twice per walk. Sometimes three times. It was always a gamble if you decided to toss the poop bag after the 1st or 2nd time.

Julia said...

In the land of gingerbread ornaments (the Czech Republic) we'll buy one ornament early in December to eat and save the rest to hang on the tree. They get really stale after being out and about for a month so we don't eat the ones that hung around. Applying the same logic, I'd guess the best time to nibble on a gingerbread house is when you're making it. Ahh, gum drops and icing.

Just developed that love of hamburgers myself at six months pregnant. Good luck and glad to hear the numbers growing!

Joke said...

Yes, eat the gingerbread house. It's okay if it looks like a disaster area.

And thanks for your discretion. This is about as much information a man who refused to eyewitness* the birth of his sons can tolerate.

-J.

* Yes, there was a price paid.

MsCellania said...

Purging going on here, too. The zinging you hear is the shredder.
I think it's perfect to bribe with books.
Gees, your pregnancy has gone fast.
(heh heh heh; bet that made you so mad you almost delivered on the spot) One of my friends says have a Sam Smith beer and go for a long walk the day you want to have the baby. (I think you do the long walk first and then have the beer, otherwise you'd have to bring along a port a potty)
I glued the gingerbread house this year. The candy is now being nibbled upon. I think it's fine to have a nibbled-upon house.

Amy A. said...

Am I the only one against the eating of the ginger bread house? All that dried up, crunchy, stale stuff? I say throw it away and bake yourself another pie.

Poppy Buxom said...

I agree with Amy A. I have a voracious appetite, yet somehow find month-old gingerbread highly resistible.

Keep purging! You'll love the space and light. And you might discover treasures. My father's gardening files are a hoot. He never swore, and never uttered a solecism, yet he'd write stuff like "Dag a bushel of cow shit into the dahlias."

catsteevens said...

Somedays my dog poops once and somedays three or four times.

Now that I think about it, I have never eaten a gingerbread house.

Liz said...

I think you're supposed to feed old, stale gingerbread houses to the dog, and then clean up rainbow-colored vomit for the next 24 hours.