Sunday, May 16, 2010

All that tread the globe are but a handful to the tribes that slumber in its bosom.

Having spent the past hour and a half sobbing, I finally close the book and put it down. My eyes are swollen, my nose is running, and I feel spent.

I go upstairs and check on each of my boys, gently patting their long limbs under the covers, tucking well-loved stuffed animals into the crooks of their arms. I smooth their hair back from their foreheads, I kiss their cheeks, I breathe in their little boy smell.

The book I just finished has put on the table for examination the worst of every mother's fears, and while I am glad I read it, the book will go on my shelf and probably not be opened ever again by me. It is not the sort of book one rereads, despite the true compassion and love I feel for some of the characters.

It is a book that forces me to look at What if? and when it comes to my boys, the only what if I want to contemplate is a happy one. To speculate otherwise feels like tempting fate; although, sometimes, I think of it as protection. Like if I can imagine the worst, it will never, ever happen. Either way, I can't think too hard about this novel, it is too heartbreaking.

Yet I wake up this morning snarly and cranky from lack of sleep and a nagging headache. I find myself grousing at my beloved boys for demanding too much too early, for being too loud, for simply acting like little boys. Oh, the dichotomy of motherhood.

10 comments:

kim at allconsuming said...

Yeah, can't quite see me reading this anytime soon. Enough crying here without reading a book to make me do so.

ssheers said...

Thanks for the warning. I was going to read that one, but not if it contains "the worst of every mother's fears."

Cat said...

"I breathe in their little boy smell."

Oh...reading that made my heart melt.

You're such an awesome Mom!

BabelBabe said...

and I do mean smell. sometimes they are RIPE : )

Cat said...

Hahaha....ripe! Hahaha. But sweetness ripe.

oakleyses said...

ugg boots, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton, polo ralph lauren, tory burch outlet, gucci handbags, tiffany and co, air max, nike free, burberry pas cher, michael kors pas cher, louis vuitton outlet, longchamp outlet, oakley sunglasses, oakley sunglasses wholesale, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, louboutin pas cher, sac longchamp pas cher, louis vuitton, nike air max, longchamp pas cher, christian louboutin, christian louboutin shoes, jordan shoes, polo outlet, chanel handbags, ray ban sunglasses, christian louboutin uk, prada handbags, uggs on sale, longchamp outlet, replica watches, tiffany jewelry, christian louboutin outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, nike free run, ugg boots, jordan pas cher, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, kate spade outlet, nike outlet, nike air max, longchamp outlet, nike roshe, polo ralph lauren outlet online, ray ban sunglasses

oakleyses said...

true religion outlet, polo lacoste, nike air max uk, michael kors outlet online, guess pas cher, true religion jeans, michael kors outlet, kate spade, replica handbags, michael kors outlet online, new balance, michael kors outlet, nike air max uk, nike air force, michael kors, sac vanessa bruno, vans pas cher, burberry outlet, michael kors outlet, mulberry uk, ray ban uk, nike tn, nike roshe run uk, burberry handbags, abercrombie and fitch uk, converse pas cher, lululemon canada, true religion outlet, michael kors outlet online, ray ban pas cher, coach outlet store online, sac hermes, michael kors outlet online, true religion outlet, michael kors, hollister pas cher, nike blazer pas cher, uggs outlet, hogan outlet, coach outlet, timberland pas cher, ralph lauren uk, coach purses, hollister uk, north face uk, oakley pas cher, nike free uk, uggs outlet, nike air max

oakleyses said...

nike air max, insanity workout, vans outlet, vans, hollister, ghd hair, hollister, bottega veneta, mac cosmetics, new balance shoes, ralph lauren, mcm handbags, oakley, mont blanc pens, nike roshe run, p90x workout, nfl jerseys, babyliss, instyler, toms shoes, wedding dresses, gucci, louboutin, hollister clothing, abercrombie and fitch, north face outlet, soccer jerseys, jimmy choo outlet, lululemon, lancel, celine handbags, herve leger, chi flat iron, asics running shoes, longchamp uk, hermes belt, baseball bats, ferragamo shoes, nike trainers uk, soccer shoes, valentino shoes, timberland boots, reebok outlet, converse, nike air max, ray ban, converse outlet, north face outlet, beats by dre, nike huaraches

oakleyses said...

nike air max, insanity workout, vans outlet, vans, hollister, ghd hair, hollister, bottega veneta, mac cosmetics, new balance shoes, ralph lauren, mcm handbags, oakley, mont blanc pens, nike roshe run, p90x workout, nfl jerseys, babyliss, instyler, toms shoes, wedding dresses, gucci, louboutin, hollister clothing, abercrombie and fitch, north face outlet, soccer jerseys, jimmy choo outlet, lululemon, lancel, celine handbags, herve leger, chi flat iron, asics running shoes, longchamp uk, hermes belt, baseball bats, ferragamo shoes, nike trainers uk, soccer shoes, valentino shoes, timberland boots, reebok outlet, converse, nike air max, ray ban, converse outlet, north face outlet, beats by dre, nike huaraches

oakleyses said...

canada goose, links of london, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, canada goose jackets, louis vuitton, pandora jewelry, marc jacobs, hollister, ugg pas cher, thomas sabo, pandora jewelry, louis vuitton, juicy couture outlet, moncler, canada goose outlet, swarovski crystal, supra shoes, canada goose, wedding dresses, moncler outlet, swarovski, canada goose outlet, louis vuitton, canada goose, moncler outlet, moncler, montre pas cher, louis vuitton, pandora charms, canada goose uk, pandora uk, moncler, moncler, louis vuitton, ugg uk, moncler uk, karen millen uk, coach outlet, doudoune moncler, ugg, canada goose outlet, ugg,uggs,uggs canada, juicy couture outlet, replica watches