Tom Cruise as "The Pacifier": In Star magazine's newest, chock-full-o'-babies issue, there's an interesting story on how Tom Cruise plans to help Katie Holmes follow Scientology's guidelines -- designed, according to L. Ron Hubbard, to "save both the sanity of the mother and the child and safeguard the home to which they will go" -- of strict silence during birth: By getting her an adult pacifier. "He commissioned an adult-sized 'binky' for her to clench between her teeth, hoping that it'll squelch her screams," a source told Star. "In keeping with a Scientology silent birth, Tom is prepared to do whatever it takes to muffle Katie's moans and groans during the delivery." (Lowdown, Star)
That's from Salon, by the way.
So Katie isn't allowed drugs, and she isn't allowed to make any noise, and Cruise is going to keep her quiet by shoving a large pacifier in her mouth. Um, hello, there, Women's Empowerment! Come a little closer, so I can stomp you under my manly boot. I can't remember the last time I was so thoroughly disgusted by a piece of celebrity "news". Granted, I understand that this is from The Star, and may not be true. I still wish I could kick Tom Cruise in the nuts.
24 comments:
If it's any consolation, David Spade keeps calling Tom Cruise "the 40 year old virgin."
I think he is, to quote my friend W's Sloan Ranger ex-girlfriend: "barking mad." And Katie Holmes seems a bit, um, cerebrally vacant, dun't she?
-J.
P.S. Click here: http://tinyurl.com/poexd
You're welcome.
P.P.S. I have a hunch TC's never heard KH's moans and groans.
I'm sure it's not a made up thing. Tom Cruise is barking mad over this Scientology bullshit.
Is it just me or is this the longest-getating child in history? It seems like she's been pregnant for forever.
I know where he can stick his pacifier.
Have you heard the child's name? Zocar. If that's not child abuse, I don't know what is. On the radio this morning, the dj said, oh, what about Elron? (As in L.Ron Hubbard...)
And I did sort of like Katie before this...
**sigh**
The sad thing is that Debbie Rowe was available.
-J.
Joke-
You made me CACKLE. Fortunately only the three year old and the dogs heard me.
I think Katie should be allowed to whack his nuts with a hammer every time she has a contraction. Pacify THAT, jackass.
Eight grown women spent WAY too much time on a girls' weekend discussing T&C and the whole silent birth thing. I'm directing them all to Gina's post which (if I hadn't already gone) I would have wee'd my pants laughing at.
WHA? I leave you alone for half a day to go do work-related things and this is what I come back to?
I AM LIVID (at Tom not you, Gina. Sorry...that probably didn't come out right...)Tom Cruise is a disgusting shame to humanity and should be SHOT. If you didn't already know he was like three-feet-four, and totally compensating in everything he does, you'd know it now. Has Katie Holmes been fucking brainwashed? Where are her parents? And the poor, poor babychild. Oh God. It's funny but at the same time just sickening.
I'd like to see him silently have a child -- moron that he is. I didn't have drugs with my kids but screaming was definitely involved.
This just proves that some sentiments are universal.
Nuts?
You think Tom has nuts to kick?
(plus, seriously sniggering out loud at Joke's comment, but don't tell him: he'll be insufferable)
Bec,
Will be insufferable? I've been insufferable since I discovered that girls were not icky and disgusting.
Which makes no sense, I know.
-J.
I can't believe Nicole Kidman was seriously upset when Tom left her. What the heck was she thinking anyway? I'd say the queue to slap Tom would stretch down the street, around the corner and across the globe, oh, about eight times!!
Assuming Cruise has no nuts to kick, which is indeed a good point, I'd still like to kick him in that smooth, Ken-doll like region.
Also, that makes those alien baby pics even more plausible, doesn't it? In fact, if Cruise were starring in a re-make of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, this would all make so much sense. What a heck of a way to promote a movie!
PS-I haven't thought about David Spade in while. Have you seen his new show, Joke? Is that where you heard that 40-year-old virgin crack?
Gina,
The DS show is hilarious. I wish I had the presence of mind to record it, because every time I watch it I have laughed myself light headed. It is cruel, snarky, mean in comic (not a Fab Five) way. Reminds me of Joe Queenan's stuff from when he had a column in Movieline.
The actual crack was his end-of-show "What's Hot, What's Not" and he flashed a picture of Steve Carrell: "this 40 Year Old Virgin is hot..."
[pause]
[Picture of TC looking particularly insane flashes onscreen]
"...this one is not."
Dennis Miller once obliquely mentioned that TC had beards "that even ZZ Top coveted."
-J.
Okay, I'm sold on the David Spade.
And can anyone remember the last time they've heard the word beard used this way so much in regards to one person? TC has given the word new life.
IMCO, not even the Bagwhan had such impressive beardliness.
Seriously, this guy is like some Old Testament Assyrian.
-J.
Oh, by the way--thanks for the link to the collar stays, but I refuse to spoil Ted's dad in that fashion. I know I said I'd get them for Father's Day, but upon further consideraton, I don't think I like him well enough to order him something I have to pay for in pounds sterling. You know?
I hope you weren't looking for an argument from me, 'cause all you'll get is rabid agreement.
You could get him the cheap brass ones which would complement...never mind.
-J.
I just laughed out loud! :-)
By the way, I would bitch slap Tom Cruise, but he might enjoy it.
-J.
I just posted an excellent Anna Quindlen quote...which expresses our sentiments completely...
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